Day 7 May 1 tuesday daily photo Katie climbing

Day 7 May 1 tuesday daily photo Katie climbing
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Day 7 May 1. It was late in the day i was tired and she was about to jump down so it's all out of focus. this is my cute neighbor. she loves to have her picture taken so i should have just asked her to pose again.

day 6 monday 4_30 SQARING A CIRCLE because there is little else to shoot

day 6 monday 4_30 SQARING A CIRCLE because there is little else to shoot
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Day 6 4/30/07mondays are hard - being limited in my time off to wantder - I stuck with my own yard. The important thing is that I take a picture every day and recognize something for which I feel gratitude every day. today I am grateful for the sun shining on my shoulders and I am grateful that i have a yard

day 5 4_29 sunday flox moth

day 5 4_29 sunday flox moth
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

day 5 sunday april 29. we went to church. we planted tomatoes and such. we visited with friends. it was a full lovely day.

DAy 4 4_28 hard working man picture a day001

DAy 4 4_28 hard working man picture a day001
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Day 4 4/28 we also went to the market today. this guy alwasy makes a good photo whenever he is there. I think I could make a whole collection of just him.

I love the market on saturdays. some day when we don't have a lot else going on that weekend -I want to get there first thing in the morning and not leave until the vendors all break down at night - with my camera of course.

DAY 4 first strawberry picture a day039

DAY 4 first strawberry picture a day039
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

day 4 mmmm strawberries. cann't wait

DAY 3 upload of 364 4_27_07 405 pm rainbow leads to graveyard

DAY 3 upload of 364 4_27_07 405 pm rainbow leads to graveyard
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Day 3 of photo a day 4/27/07. This was taken when leaving a visit to grandpa in the rehab a storm came in and I knew about this graveyard on the way home -so I stopped for a few photos. Actually the last time he was in this same rehab - one or two years ago - i took some shots at this same graveyard on the way home one night - though not in the rain.

We also went to an art openign at the Liapold Gallery tonight - interesting; and we had dinner at Carmen's. Carmen's was overpriced and nto worth it. It was ok just not that impressive. We won't go back unless it's free.

DAY 2 upload of 364 4_26_07 629pm

DAY 2 upload of 364 4_26_07 629pm
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

4/26/07 day 2 of photo a day.. Taken in the parking lot when I went otu to mov emy car. fortunately the sky has been offering me some interest when nothing else in the day has.

DAY 1 upload of 365 4_25_07 435 pm

DAY 1 upload of 365 4_25_07 435 pm
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

on 4/25/07 I started a photo a day challenge for myself. I'm going to try to keep it up for a year - I won't limit myself to one photo a day - but I must take a photo a day even if I go nowhere and end up with an out of focus piece of lint in my house -it will hopefully train me to look and focus more.

from Friday.
This guy was trying to warn me off - his girl just laid an egg. It was neat to watch her pushing it around getting the nest just right.

even the grackles are pretty in sunlight

even the grackles are pretty in sunlight
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Today was nice. A day off (but I work Sunday) visited grandparents enjoyed the fantastic weather in the park then our department at work threw a dinner party - to some that may not sound good but the thing is that I really like the people I work with - so it was a good time.
After a couple of weeks of unseasonable cold - a late frost even - a nice warm day with the sun out was a treat and I was blessed to have the day off to enjoy it.

sparrow rain and peach tree

sparrow rain and peach tree
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

This was just a couple of weeks ago now everything is frozen. i hope we still get some peaches from this wonderful tree. I know we'll have more sparrows as we already hear little ones in our bird houses. thats april in kansas unpredictable

blue and green butterfly

blue and green butterfly
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

THis suits my mood. I scanned a notebook then adjusted the colors in paint.
A little blue becuase there was a baby shower going on at work right next to my office for the entire afternoon. It was loud so I couldn't avoid tinking about it. I had a bit of a sniffle for a time but I did keep on plugging unitl the work was done - so that was good.
On the up side hubby got a job offer - so starting in May our financial picture is more hopeful - and thus the hopes of our being able to afford whatever we need to do to get a youngster of our own.

grandpa's airplane

grandpa's flying beastie
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

As my grandpa has been in the hospital for some time & we thought he should have some photos in the room. My grandma dug these up and I enlarged them. It's amazing to see them so young - how they were before I was born I'm not sure but this shot may even be before my mom.
It got me thinking, if I could only have a few momentos of my younger life in a hospital or nursing home -what would I keep? I don't have any kids - so it would have to be my own selfiish pursuits. I suppose a photo of Wes and I kayaking -one of my butterfly shots - maybe the pups - shots of my family, especially lil sis being a ham. - and a couple of shots of wes when we are hiking. What do those selections tell about me? It's not the whole picture -there is nothing in there to indicate my time spent knititng - or anything to do with my work, or anything about food and cooking. I guess when it comes down to it either those things don't define me as much as I thought - or they just don't photograph well.

Fellow bloggers - what do you think you would choose if you could only have one photo board full of images & the few items that would fit on your bedside table to remind you of your life outside the hospital?

jw art journal butterfly front

jw art journal butterfly front
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

I love this idea - there are 30 arj journals made by differnt people they will be available during churh for folks to respond to the sermon in whatever way - doodle, draw, write, just take a few notes. I like this sort of engagement it is one of hte things I really love about this church. Good idea Leslie! Thanks for letting me (a non-professional) participate with all of you art and design folks. One more layer of decopage glue and back it goes.

I do hope this inspires me to do some ATCs. I was able to collect up some things to use in a relatively short (for me) time and acuatlly come up with a concept I like.

missed opportunity

I missed the cutest photo this morning -and then proceeded to obsess about it for an hour - good thing I don't have to be at work until 11:30 today
I should have gone to pilates but my tummy wasn't cooperating so I convinced myself I'll go to the makeup class on friday -and today I enjoyed some tea.
So what fabulous picture did I miss? We have a bench in the back yard where we scatter seed for the birds - and on the bench a squirrel and a male cardinal were eating in harmony. It would have been a perfect shot they way they were positioned - but by the time I went in the other room for my camera - they were gone.
Now every morning I am going to hope for that picture to show itself again.....

..you're right..

..you're right..
Originally uploaded by thesparkthatbled.

I need to think about this and think more postively - something I've been lacking lately.

today I am grateful for: options, my co-workers, women who choose adoption, nights when my husband cooks, feeling loved, having a job, being able to help

The snow today was perfect....

it was perfect for snow people and sledding, snow forts and snowball fights. It was also perfect for a walk in the woods with my sweet. I am really glad hubby has 4 wheel drive -and that I have wool socks. We were able to make it to church today then go hike in the woods. If we hadn't gone to church I probably could have gotten some really fantastic tree photos but alas by the time we got out it had warmed above freezing and the trees had started to melt.

Since the weather turned cold and icey a few weeks back I had really missed my neighbors but today they were out working on a snow family. Notice how mama made herself somewhat anatomically correct.

It was a good day Monday will start the first full work week in a while- here it comes that time of year when its cold and there is lots of work to be dones so that when spring arrives we are oh so ready for a break. A bit more knitting tonight I think - and a little more reading in one of my nick bantock books (I finally got the second trilogy: the gryphon, alexandria and morning star) as they were on sale at borders. I love his work. I wish I had the time and organization to make such wonderful looking letters and book pages. I'll just enjoy these fabricated ones.

to much on the to do list and no energy for it

I long for a vacation - or even for one of my days off to be free of ice or snow - or biting wind - but at least we aren't getting the armagaden like gales that Europe is having these days. We have decided we are staying in Kansas for 1 1/2 years - so I must make the best of it.
I don't have anything really clever to say right now. I have a desire to do so many projects but not the energy for any of them.
What's my current list? 1. clean back room out so it can be a bedroom. 2. pick an adoption agency ( iwant to pick one what i don't want to do is wade through all of the magazines and web pages to accumulate the knoledge to decide) 3. exercise (to be fair I did sign up for classes but they don't start until february -and today it snowed and i don't feel like going to the gym 4. pray more thourally every day -advance myself spiritually - do the examen- be sure of my purpose. 4. knit terri's mits and my skirt. start on a sweater for wes. 5. write letters to the people i've been missing - i miss getting letters i should send some 6. make some ATCs or collage or altered book sort of thing 7. decide on the next stage of my career 8. advance my photographic skill - work on a photo porfolio 9. work on high maintenance diner blog...
ok there is more but the list is just depressing me there is more
the second blog - it seemed like a good idea but I don'ot know where I'll find th time or inspiration to write it - when i think about it I feel sorely unprepared - mostly because I don''t want to mislead anyone with acutal food allergies into thinking the choices I've made are safe - I haven't strictly interviwed the kitchen staff about keeping wheat out of everything or dairy - I've just done my best with the menu and a few questions to the wait staff about substitutions of ingredients.

Caugth in your cubicle:

Circular Reasons
Solitary child
played outside
till grown
with children she worked
then career change
midlife found you here
caught in my cubicle
dreaming to return
to the child again
outside at play
~Genevieve

so...a year ago maybe two - all of the counselors in our study wrote a poem called caught in your cubicle. I just ran across them. Being someone that always overdoes everything - this is one of the three that I wrote. Not good poetry -but the sentiment is there.

christmas portrait winter 2006

christmas portrait winter 2006
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

I rarely like a photo of myself - but I really do like this one of us. We just set the self timer on the canon elph. Hubby has a good eye - he scoped out the spot.

I even liked this enough to give it to the family this christmas. I don't think I've given them but maybe 2-3 photos of myself (and one was a wedding photo) since I've been in my 30's.

Anyhow - here it is. December in Kansas and we hiking in a short sleves.

Today (december 30) it has been raining - just a light drizzle - I would have enjoyed the cool mist - but I've been under the weather all day my body not cooperating in many ways despite my restrictive diet

christmas card blue version DSC_0287

christmas card blue version DSC_0287
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Merry Christmas

This was teh card we sent out. If yours didn't make it in the mail - I apollogize for being a slacker. Things are busy at work this year - and home....well sometimes you have 4 days to knit christmas hats and mits for your entire family....

I hope everyone had a great holiday - ours was nice. Mostly quiet. And I mostly did ok with all of the pregnancies around, mostly.

At the Fair in black and white

At the Fair in black and white
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

This is one of my favorite photos to date. This guy just had the best smile and the best lines in his face.

today i took some fun pictures of katie in butterfly wings - but i haven't had a chance to look at them or make a copy for her mom yet becuase the computer was freezing up earlier - time to clean off some old files then take her in for repairs.

i'm so frustrated becuaes i tried to buy some discs with more memory for archiving photos but apparently my disc drive does not recognize thm as discs. money down the drain - and I'm at a loss to figure out which discs work for my computer and which do not - but it seems that the ones with more memory do not. grrrr.

dia de los muertos strummer

dia de los muertos strummer
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

day of the dead offering for the weekend

peacock costume contrasty

peacock costume contrasty
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

halloween season has started. first friday the lighting here was a bit of an accident.
i hardly sat down or took a breath this weekend. friday was my day off -and i slept in then ran some errands and visited my grandparents. then, in the evening first friday with wes and some friends. there were a few interesting sculpture artists - one guy who works with bark and other organics -very intriguing. dinner - and a few shots taken of a dia de los muertos display.
Saturday from 10-2 we worked at a health fair for the kck hispanic community with paula. It was kind of fun - but It really brought home that I need to learn spanish. i was embarrased that all i knew was "fuma usted?" I tried to make some survey calls the for the evening we stayed in made dinner i played with photos and wes studied. i wish i hadn't been so tired- would like to have attended the dia de los muertos parade ate mattie rhodes....well you cann't do everything
sunday ....church, work, dinner.
i need some rest - but next weekend is busy too - with entertainment rather than work.

sepia dia de lost muertos

sepia dia de lost muertos
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Today's dia de los muertos photo. Since I couldn' t get out to find one I made one.

ghost in the window

ghost in the window
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

Don't you hate it when...

...you dress up all fancy - when you leave the house you think you look oh so fine -then you get out and about and happen to pass a mirror or a window and realize you look really old. This poor gal she's having just that kind of day - though by the big grin she doesn't seem to be that bothered by it.

Dia do Los Muertos challenge.....I was so excited to find this and other day of the dead displays at the market yesterday. Well -it reminded me just how much I am facinated by Dia de Los Muertos. so...I am declaring this the Lunes De Los Muertos! That means I am challenging myself to come up with one day of the dead image to represent every day of the month of october. I'm allowing wiggle room here - for example today I'm sick so I didn't get out and photograph any -well lucky for me yesteday I got a few images - so one of them can count for today - Wednesday...I'll be at work 12 hours so again I can substitute an image from another day. I have a feeling it will be a challenge this first half of the month -but later in the month it should get easier. Now I'm not talking just run of the mill haloween displays - these images have to have something to do with Day of the Dead celebrations.

Anyone care to join me in the search?

literal butterfly bush - migration of the monarchs friday

I'm not 100% happy with how the photo showed in this blog . Well, go to the original flickr page to see it full size - it was really amazing to see so many butterflies all in one place - on one bush.

Friday - my day off I was sick so I couldn't visit my grandparents or borrow my nieghbor Katie as I 'd planned. I did however get to see this fabulous collection of butterflies as the monarchs migrated through. for this I am grateful. There were other photographic gems but I'm not sure yet if I will post them here. I'm thinking about putting together a show. That seems a little egotistical - but hubby thinks I have enough. I am also grateful this weekend for: my hubby, getting together w/ Paula & Enrique to hear Brazilian music, and still so grateful for having found a church which we are still getting to know.

bug on pink

bug on pink
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

I had a rough weekend I was sick with allergies & a cold - so no recent photos - but I finally did uplaod these. A week or so ago hubby brought home this lovely orange creature. Some gals like flowers - but he knows the way to my heart is colorful winged creatures. I'm not sure what this guy is but he is pretty and very fuzzy. After a few photots i let him loose in the butterfly garden - I hope he's happy there.

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself (ok understatement) becuase we're still not preganant but it seems everyone else at work is - there are 3 showers planned before december - one of them for tomorrow. grrrr.

I have more to chatter later but I need to give my back a break from the computer since I still have to work from 530/6 until 9 tonight.

Praying for Us! -- 7437

Praying for Us! -- 7437
Originally uploaded by Zamboni.

found thi sphoto in the flickr stream of "zamboni" I was searching the term prayer for a good prayer image to inspire my fertility ATC. what better image could this be? I will try to draw the shadows of his face - so beautifyl. a baby is my prayer too.

rights reserved very blue moon over boats DSC_0152 copy

rights reserved very blue moon over boats DSC_0152 copy
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

since my light meter was broken - i took this opportunity to play with some of my photos a bit.

the headless bride steps outside ...

the headless bride steps outside ...
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

There haven't been any butterflies in my garden for some time other than the white cabbage butterflies - so the next best thing is a headless bride.
I'm feeling a bit like the headless bride lately - only not nearly so slim. I feel sometimes of late that my head of empty of everything but wanting - wanting for my womb to be full with child. will it happen? that's still to be determined God and modern medicine.

Let me also mention that I am mad at Costco for once again messing up my prints. I only did it becuase i can get same day service by uploading the prints straight to their website. I'm having trouble with the CD drive on my computer - it doesn't want to recognize my blank cds. so I had to upload. Anyhow they did a horrible job of cropping there were flecks on some of the photos (and no they were not on the original). I won't be using them again - even though they are cheap - I will just have to plan ahead better.

I know there was something else...but I'm in a benadryl fog. I have to go matte my photos so tomorrow i may cook

blue wings only

blue wings only
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

I am so jealous of the people who have blue butterflies in thier area. none here - had to adjust the color on an orange pretty.
spent much of the day weeding the garden today. very sniffy itchy work for an allergy sufferer such as I. Still, it paid off -I got a few shots of this buttefly (seen in his natural orange on my flickr stream). Sweetie and I talked about art - he things I'm better than I think I am. Well, I seldom think I'm good at anything even if others think so.
Today though sniffly and tired - was still a good day becuase of the butterfly. Went to a nice dinner last night w/ some people from church. We were pleasantly surprised to find others who were as liberal as we are.
I don't want to jinx anything - so I'm trying not to talk so much about the fertility stuff it's difficulty -babies and toddlers everywhere I look. The toddler next door - she is one of my favorite toddlers ever. That reminds me - I need to ask her mum if I can pose her in my garden in fairy wings. She has fairy wings. Thats just one of the things I really like about her - that she likes to run around the yard wearing wings. Hubby is grilling - I'm being lazy after above mentioned allergy attack. Really I've been quite sleepy today - but we did stay pu a bit late. Tonight -to bed on time and plenty of vitamins so I start the week our rights.

first butterflies 2006023 yellow swallowtail tuesday

first butterflies 2006023 yellow swallowtail tuesday
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

horray for the butterflies. I've been waiting for them. I waited all through spring. as summers starts I've watched the flowers start to bloom awaiting thier winged friends. a few cabage butterflies have been aroudn the garden over the last week - but this is the first day for these. How fortunate that this was my split shift so that I was home in the afternoon to see the.

hubby built me a new garden box

hubby built me a new garden box
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

sometimes he builds me things to let me know he loves me. I really needed this this week. Planting flowers just seemed like the right thing to do.

orange cluster

orange cluster
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

feeling somewhat more possitive today....there are options just maybe not the ones I'd planned......

sad little cherub waiting

sad little cherub waiting
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

I am sad today - I thought this little guy was a proper image for the day. I got very sad news. I am in shock and sad. I don't understand why my life is going in this direction. That's all for now - I need to process and the blog is not the place for it.

some of my current favorites

some of my current favorites
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

one lst thing...now I'll go to bed. I'll have to really spend timeand be more selective to make mosaic with a theme next time....

clematis suspended

clematis suspended
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

I haven't writen much here - i knew I wouldn't be a regular blogger...
the sermon sunday got me thinking maybe I should be working with children again...more about that later. If I start writing about that now I'll be up all night. It's complex - it's all tied up with my fertility -and the reasons I stopped working in the not for proffit world/ with children. I've only recently really started back to exploring my spritual life - so it seems really too soon to start making decisions based on my feeligns after one sermon. I think Ariel is right - I need to see what kinds of things open up - I still think writing my family history is important - and learning more about qualitative research and semi-structured interviews. As I write this I realise ...if anyone else is reading this they probably don't know WHAT I am going on about - that and I wasn't plannig to stay up late writing tonight.
I've been obsessing about flickr - so I've been taking a lot of pictures. I think I need to go through maybe next weekend and delete the photos from my stream that aren't as good - or are the same.
It is still a mystery to me how people get so many comments or visitors to their pages. Is it the title? the time of day posted? they submit to groups? I'm not sure. what I really want is to kow if some of my photos are good enough to sell - but I've become obsessed with wanting a photo on the explore page becuase of the exposure it gets.
I need to learn more about what groups will provide the feedback I want - and forget about the explore page.

I really should go to bed - maybe I can take some photos tomorrow morning - I haven't taken a single photo today. I'm obsessed you know - I actually took photos in church - it didn't take away really from my hearing the message - of course - the photos weren't particularly good - they were lopsided.

yesterday morning...

red with yellow blur by home depot
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

yesterday morning i went out with the intention of photographing tulips. I was only able to find red and yellow this year - and now near the size displays that I have seen in previous years.
The weather though couldn't have been more perfect. I may add more later in the week but for now I have to go to work. It's one of my longer days - 10 hours - but I don't dread this as much - I think my cold is breaking. I do hope I find opportunity to take a break in my work and get outside for my "lunch" break. (when you work 11-9 it's odd - its not really lunchtime when you take your break.) I wasn't able to get very many decent photos yesterday. I've been on a roll lately wanting to take photos of everything - a confluence of influences I think have led to this - joining flickr, warmer weather, wanting to try out my camera, oh and the obsessive side of me. That part somewhat relates to flickr. Now that I have seen what wonderful photos other people take - I'm detremined to improve my own photograpic skills. It's challenging being in kansas rather than near something breathtaking like mountains or the sea- but possibly that is why i have developed an interest in different perspectives, abstract images, and macros. I soooo want an extension ring - and a really good macro. oh - and I've also been fantasizing about an ubgrade in the digital point and shoot becuase you cann't alwasy carry the slr. My latest dreams: casio exilim s-100 (has split screen abiliy -and its TINY) and - this may be a greater desire....I want the canon powershot sd-550 its (drumrole please....) 7.1 megapixil, it's small and its got some neat color settings that I'm hungering to play with...but until i've saved some money or the price is dropped.....I'll have to wait. so, in the interiim I've placated myself by getting some film for my holga - i haven't done anything with film since december - and I'm hungering to do multiple exposures. gotta run!

tree in fog

tree in fog
Originally uploaded by marymuses.

This is such a great shot - taken by someone else.
I have so far to go with my photography.... I get bummed that none of my photos are chosen on flickr for interestingness or favorites & such - but then when I look at what everyone else is doing.... I realize I need more practice and a micro macro with an extension tube wouldn't hurt either

My head is still screaming with this cold/ headache/ hurt. I've eaten so much ibuprophen this week.

Photos With Wings

Well, if updating regularly is a sign of a good blog I'm terrible. I go in spurts. Won't have time to write anything this week unless I do Tuesday morning - and really I should work in the yard some more then and maybe go into work a few hours early or go visit my grandpa and start my oral history. I still need to work some more on question development though. I'm just putting this post here as a reminde that I need to write more consitenly.
Also- to remind me to talk about the thory of the soul which I developed today. Teaser: it shares some similarities to hindu thought and it also attempts to explain why there seem to be so many soulless sociopaths in society today.
on that cheerful thought I'll check on my flikr photos and go make dinner

City Market

strawberry guy
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

I love the city market. good cheap vegetables, differnt people, and the strawberry guy. We call him the strawberry guy becuase the first time we went to the market he was calling out "strawberry strawberry strawberry" letting everyone know he had beautiful strawberries & he was ready to deal. I alwasy buy something from him due to his old world charm. He alsways says gratsi senora.

I've recently joined flicker - its becomming an addiction. Well, there is a group on there discussing what makes a good blog. I hadn't really thought about it but my blog isn't very good. It's all over the place. I don't really feel smart enough to share my political opions and I don't do enough knitting or other such creative pursuits to dedicate a blog just to one thing ... besides its representative of me and I am interested in many things - photography really is the thing that intersts me most right now.

So, here is one person from flicker's idea of what makes a good blog:
(Raphie Frank says:) "The question between what makes a good blog and what is necessary to grow a blog audience are two very different issues....A GOOD BLOG (in my opinion) involves some or all of the below variables, although different topics perhaps make some of the variables irrelevant.....1) Timeliness.......4) Actionable, useful information 5) Consistency of tone, look and feel........9) Frequent updates...And GOOD WRITING? You know it when you read it. Bad is bad and good is good...."

So there you have it. I don't really consider myself a good writer anymore. I did once, but I'm out of practice, and I've read more - so with more to compare I've fallen in rank in my own mind.

One poster suggested that many people read blogs and don't comment - something I'd never really considered - I don't imagine that many people read my blog - but just out of curiosity - if you read please post a comment - anything even just a hello. I'm just curious who does stumble accross it.
~G

buddah belly and other ramblings

I was looking for maternity tops I'm not pregnant, just fat and hoping to be pregnant soon. Actually trying to be pregnant soon - unless of course hubby decides to go to Africa. He has always wanted to go on a trip - then he gets romantic notions after we watch movies about all of the suffering in Africa. (invisible children http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php was the first, then the constant gardner.) I get those notions too - I want to help those children - with imunizations, with schools, but mostlly by spiriting them a way to a safer home and taking care of them. I can't of course: they have parents, families to which they belong. that is their life and it would be unfair to take just the children. It would be unfair even to take a whole family away from the village - its their home that they know -thier community -their society and you can only leave that really by choice. Besides, I'm not rich. Anyhow, if he runs off to aArica & gets himself shot by the Jonaeweed or more likely by some corrupt american or british company with financial interests in the region - that would put a major crimp in the whole raising a family thing. I know thats selfish; helping others is a greater good - but I want my own children. I used to help others then I reached a point where I was helping drug addicts and I had this growing feeling that it was unfair. They got to have children and I helped them, helped their children, but I didn't get to have children -becuase I was sacrificing my time and not making very much money (to afford a family) so that I could help them. I guess I just reached the age where my idealism drained right out of my heart. Wes still has some idealism. I'm torn. I'm afraid that if I sacraficed, gave up my desire for others again, I would grow to resent it and stop doing a good job. It's happened before - I give it my all then I feel the unfairness and I start to loose my steam. I do know that right now it is hard to imagine a fulfilling life if I cann't have my own children, and time is running out, it may have already run out - I'll find out more later this week when my lab results come back. Friday I had tubes and tubes of blood drawn. It really wiped me out - but it will be all worth it if I can have children

What go this ramble all started? Fasion. Yes to let me be really superficial for a moment: yes, so my belly is fat, my torso is long (actually it's my rise but whatever the point is) my fat belly is often not covered by the combination of today's too short tops and too low waisted bottoms. I just want to be comfortable and covered - and to have something flattering too - I don't necessarily want to wear fat clothes even though I am technically speaking fat. I totter between wearing normal clothes and fat womens clothes. so...I discovered a maternity shop called buddah belly so I typed that in to google and ran across this blog: buddah belly I like the way she writes - so I wanted to be able to go back to it and read some more. I'm using this post to bookmark it - and now I need to find the store buddah belly too - they have a nice wrap top that looks comforting and covering - yet is still pretty. and it's only $30 - which is more than I usually pay (I shop at thrift shops and target mostly - sometimes old navy or kohls sales racks) - but well worth it if I could wear it now to cover the belly and when preggers to cover the belly. Here it is: http://www.buddhabellymaternity.com/Brooklyn%20Top%20White.htm Of course I ran across a wonderful wrap top by some brittish place ( http://www.isabellaoliver.com/IOSite/prod/Tops/TP05.htm ) but the cost is $85 so I won't be buying that unless it goes down - maybe I'll find a knock off I really liked it - or I could learn to sew like I've been intending all of this time.

Well, if a blog is an glimpse into a person - this is a blog. If its supposed to be something more than that - then i've failed.

sky above QT

sky above QT
Originally uploaded by GButterfly.

last week I was filling up and had to take a shot because the sky was so pretty for a supposed winter day. This week I've had a few day off...snow and little sun.
I'm experimenting with flickr just becuase I have admired the photos others have posted there lately.

only a few days ago....
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission

Unbelievable that this was only a few days ago! Today? Cold, raining and snow predicted for the night. So this is my spring break. I'm feeling a bit discouraged today about the whole mess. When I was laying in bed this morning I was looking forward to calling my docto

boys outside at phaedra's wedding

the boys outside after dark
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission

joe casey's birthday train
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission

sleepy boy
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission
I hesitate to post this photo as I look like such an ugly hag here - but christopher is so sweet - it's the only pic I have of me w/ one of the kids.

the sibs sit
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission

joyce and kids laughing
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission

phaedra and jeff kiss outside
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission

phaedra and jeff outside
Photo Property of Genevieve Casey. Do not print without permission
It was a beautiful wedding, and everyone had a good time. They had a real photographer doing all of the posed pics so I tried to take a few more spontaneous shots for the memory books.....

what i love about the holga (multiple exposures)

Photo property of Genevieve Casey, do not reprint without permission.
I long to have time and moola to take some holga shots and develop. medium format film is more expensive to purchase and develop - as so few places in town do. Really need a dark room -but now of cours I am addicted to digital.

Will this post as today's date (it is sunday) or will it post as the date I uploaded? I haven't really gotten the hang of this blogging thing - still cann't find a way to post the photot next to my bio - I think its something to do w/ the security settings on my computer.

thoughts today: this weekend seemed longer than usual - why? maybe the vast shifts in weather? thursday night which i sometimes think of as part of the weekend becuase i only work til 430 or 5 rather than the usual 7 or 9 or such. anyhow -visited grandpa and had a nice visit. I want to write he and grandmas stories - I 'm wondering how I approach this with them. I'm wanting to do it for my (not as yet concieved muchless born) children. then came home & made dinner and such.
I worked Friday longer hours than usual for a friday then visited grandpa - then got sick off some indian food. bummed - I hope I'm not becoming allergic to coconut milk i love coconut milk.
saturday - the weather was so nice out we ran our errands (purchased wedding present & such) & I convinced wes to study outside for a bit - so that we could soak up some vitamin E and happiness and I could take a few photos. evening movie rental fish and chips bad choice for the whole diet thing - i really need to get back on track I think spring break is my get back on track time. - not sure how smart this is since there will probably be stuf w/ wes' family (besides phaedra's wedding) I taked to my grandma - I hadn't been visiting her so much becuase I figured she was worn down w/ gpa - but it seems my mom has done the same - not gone over as usual on fridays & visited gpa instead. I think we all visit him at different times which is probalby good for him but we never see each other. this week sometime if my body cooperates I'll get to go in to the lab and have all sorts of tests run - drink glucose water and have blood drawn every 30 minutes or something to that effect.
oh - back to my point about the weekend seeming longer -so since saturday was so nice - today it cooled down and it has been constantly shifting. There have been tornado warnings - a brief bit of hail - clearing up - and then some thunderstrom.
I love holding my sweetie in the rain. I miss having a covered porch - some day I'd love a wrap around porch which is partially covered - or at least has a movable onning of some sort - so that I can sit in the rain with tea and coffee, sweetie and puppies and such.
studied at the coffees shop for a bit - it was odd - some people were in from my younger years - to see them changed a bit physically - but it seems not changed so much otherwise. I really am only basing this on very little interaction though -that and 2 poems. It seems so far in the past that I felt very at home there like I was a part of it's life. I long to be a part of some lives other than my family and my job - I think maybe this new church may be a part of that - it seems strange - I never when I was younger and went to church - even when I treid to attend youth group gatehrings - i never really could relate to teh community - or felt a part of it. I wonder if that will be differnt here? I think becuase of my low levels of energy I have trouble engaging in any community - even my own family except at special times like times of crisis. I wish it weren't so. Ok I'm being called to make the grocery list for the week.