I was looking for maternity tops I'm not pregnant, just fat and hoping to be pregnant soon. Actually trying to be pregnant soon - unless of course hubby decides to go to Africa. He has always wanted to go on a trip - then he gets romantic notions after we watch movies about all of the suffering in Africa. (invisible children http://www.invisiblechildren.com/home.php was the first, then the constant gardner.) I get those notions too - I want to help those children - with imunizations, with schools, but mostlly by spiriting them a way to a safer home and taking care of them. I can't of course: they have parents, families to which they belong. that is their life and it would be unfair to take just the children. It would be unfair even to take a whole family away from the village - its their home that they know -thier community -their society and you can only leave that really by choice. Besides, I'm not rich. Anyhow, if he runs off to aArica & gets himself shot by the Jonaeweed or more likely by some corrupt american or british company with financial interests in the region - that would put a major crimp in the whole raising a family thing. I know thats selfish; helping others is a greater good - but I want my own children. I used to help others then I reached a point where I was helping drug addicts and I had this growing feeling that it was unfair. They got to have children and I helped them, helped their children, but I didn't get to have children -becuase I was sacrificing my time and not making very much money (to afford a family) so that I could help them. I guess I just reached the age where my idealism drained right out of my heart. Wes still has some idealism. I'm torn. I'm afraid that if I sacraficed, gave up my desire for others again, I would grow to resent it and stop doing a good job. It's happened before - I give it my all then I feel the unfairness and I start to loose my steam. I do know that right now it is hard to imagine a fulfilling life if I cann't have my own children, and time is running out, it may have already run out - I'll find out more later this week when my lab results come back. Friday I had tubes and tubes of blood drawn. It really wiped me out - but it will be all worth it if I can have children
What go this ramble all started? Fasion. Yes to let me be really superficial for a moment: yes, so my belly is fat, my torso is long (actually it's my rise but whatever the point is) my fat belly is often not covered by the combination of today's too short tops and too low waisted bottoms. I just want to be comfortable and covered - and to have something flattering too - I don't necessarily want to wear fat clothes even though I am technically speaking fat. I totter between wearing normal clothes and fat womens clothes. so...I discovered a maternity shop called buddah belly so I typed that in to google and ran across this blog: buddah belly I like the way she writes - so I wanted to be able to go back to it and read some more. I'm using this post to bookmark it - and now I need to find the store buddah belly too - they have a nice wrap top that looks comforting and covering - yet is still pretty. and it's only $30 - which is more than I usually pay (I shop at thrift shops and target mostly - sometimes old navy or kohls sales racks) - but well worth it if I could wear it now to cover the belly and when preggers to cover the belly. Here it is: http://www.buddhabellymaternity.com/Brooklyn%20Top%20White.htm Of course I ran across a wonderful wrap top by some brittish place ( http://www.isabellaoliver.com/IOSite/prod/Tops/TP05.htm ) but the cost is $85 so I won't be buying that unless it goes down - maybe I'll find a knock off I really liked it - or I could learn to sew like I've been intending all of this time.
Well, if a blog is an glimpse into a person - this is a blog. If its supposed to be something more than that - then i've failed.
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